Reverse Hair Loss Today: Proven Results!!!

I'm trapped in the spam folder. I know I'm not meant to be here, but they saw my name and assumed, as you would. In retrospect, the triple exclamation mark is a little over-emphatic.

It's not as bad as I'd feared. In fact, I'm having a grand old time - online degrees to the left of me, penis enlargements to the right. There are plenty of Viagra salesmen and religious nuts to talk to, so the conversation is always pleasingly salacious.

The only problem is the time limit. Another five hundred messages and I'll be squeezed out the other side, into the recycle bin or maybe the unknown beyond. I hope that doesn't happen. I'm an important message - an advert, sure, but a damn relevant one. Not a bill or a job offer or anything absolutely essential, but seriously worth a look if he ever wants his locks back.

Unlike the charlatans who surround me, I can actually do some good. I hope he checks before the rubbish chute sucks me through; I hope he clicks me open, hauls me up into the inbox and saves me from whatever lies in wait.